1. "O. J. Finds Real Killer"
(republished from The Onion's "Our Dumb Century")
2. The O. J. Simpson Trial, As It Might Be Described by Dr. Seuss
(an anonymous composition circulated widely over the internet)
I did not kill my lovely wife
I did not slash her with a knife
I did not bonk her on the head
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night
I took a cab then took a flight
The bag I had was just for me
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.
When I came home I had a gash
My hand was cut from broken glass
I cut my hand on broken glass
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide
My friend, he took me for a ride.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife
I did not, could not kill my wife
I did not do this awful crime
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above
I cannot even wear that glove
I did not do it with a knife
I did not, could not kill my wife
I did not do this awful crime
I could not, would not anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn
And to my family whom I love
Hey now I'm free -- give back my glove!