"First Memoriale" of Amanda Knox: Her Handwritten Statement for Police (Nov. 6, 2007)
Knox asked prison to transmit the following statement to the Public Prosecutor.
All of this is very strange, I know, but really what has happened is just as confusing to me as it is to everyone else. I have been told there is hard evidence saying that I was at the place of the murder of my friend when it happened. This, I want to confirm, is something that to me, if asked a few days ago, would be impossible. I know that Raffaele has placed evidence against me, saying I left him during the night of Meredith's murder, but let me tell you this. In my mind there are things I remember and things that are confused. My account of this story goes as follows, despite the evidence stacked against me:
Thursday, November 1st I saw Meredith the last time at my house when she left around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. Raffaele was with me at the time. We, Raffaele and I, stayed at my house for a little while longer and around 5 in the evening we left to watch the movie Amelie at his house. After the movie I received a message from Patrik [sic], for whom I work at the pub "Le Chic". He told me in this message that it wasn't necessary for me to come into work for the evening because there was no one at my work.
I also remember now sending the message: "Ci vediamo. Buona serata!" back to him, and this to me doesn't mean I would meet with him immediately. Especially since I said: "Buona serata."
What happened next I know doesn't match up with what Raffaele was saying, but this is what I remember. I told Raffaele that I didn't have to work and that I could remain at home for the evening. After that I believe we relaxed in his room together, perhaps I checked my email. Perhaps I read or studied or perhaps I made love to Raffaele. In fact, I think I did make love with him. However, I admit that this period of time is rather strange, because I'm not quite sure. I smoked marijuana with him and I might even have fallen asleep. These things I'm not sure about and I know they are important both to the case and to help myself, but in reality, I don't think I did much.
One thing I do remember is that I took a shower with Raffaele, and this may explain how we passed the time. In truth, I don't remember exactly what day this was, but I do remember we showered and cleaned ourselves for a long time. He took care to clean my ears and dry and brush my hair.
In regards to things I know for sure happened the night that Meredith was murdered was that Raffaele and I ate fairly late, I thought around 11 in the evening, although I can't be sure because I didn't look at the clock. After dinner I noticed a little blood on Raffaele's hand, but I was under the impression that it was blood from the fish. After we ate Raffaele washed the dishes but the pipes under his sink broke and water flooded the floor. But because he didn't have a mop I said we could clean it up tomorrow because we (Meredith, Laura, Filomena and I) have a mop at home. I remember it was quite late because we were both very tired (though I can't say the time).
The next thing I remember was waking up the morning of Friday, November 2nd around 10am and I took a plastic bag to bring back dirty clothes to go back to my house. It was then that I arrived home alone that I found the door to my house wide open and this all began.
In regards to this "confession" that I made last night, I want to make clear that I'm very doubtful of the veritity [sic] of my statements because they were made under the pressures of stress, shock and extreme exhaustion. Not only was I told I would be arrested and put in jail for 30 years, but I was also hit in the head when I didn't remember a fact correctly. I understand that the police are under a lot of stress, so I understand the treatment I received.
However, it was under this pressure and after many hours of confusion that my mind came up with these answers. In my mind I saw Patrik in flashes of blurred images. I saw him near the basketball court. I saw him at my front door. I saw myself cowering in the kitchen with my hands over my ears because in my head I could hear Meredith screaming. But I've said this many times so as to make myself clear: these things seem unreal to me, like a dream, and I am convinced that they unsure if they are real things that happened or are just dreams my mind has made to try to answer the questions in my head and the questions I am being asked. But the truth is, I'm unsure about the truth and here's why:
1. The police have told me that they have hard evidence that proves I was in the house, my house, at the time of Meredith's murder. I don't know what this proof is, but if it's true, then it means I am very confused be and my dreams must be true.
2. My boyfriend has claimed that I have said things that I KNOW are not true. I KNOW I told him I didn't have to work that night. I remember that moment very clearly. I also NEVER asked him to lie for me. This is absolutely a lie.
What I don't understand is why Raffaele, who has always been so caring and gentile [sic] with me, would lie about this. What does he have to hide? I don't think he killed Meredith, but I do think he is scared, like me. He walked into a situation that he never had to be in, and perhaps he is trying to find a way out by disassociating himself with me. Honestly, I understand because this is a very scary situation.
I also know that the police don't believe things of me that I know I can explain, such as:
1. I know the police are confused as to why it took me so long to call someone after I found the door to my house open and blood in the bathroom. The truth is, I wasn't sure what to think, but I definitely didn't think the worst, that someone was murdered. I thought a lot of things, mainly that perhaps someone got hurt and left quickley [sic] to take care of it. I also thought that maybe one of my roommates was having menstral [sic] problems and hadn't cleaned up. Perhaps I was in shock, but at the time I didn't know what to think and that's the truth. That is why I talked to Raffaele about it in the morning, because I was worried and wanted advice.
2. I also know that the fact that I can't fully recall the events that I claim took place at Raffaele's home during the time that Meredith was murdered is incriminating. And I stand by my statements that I made last night about events that could have taken place in my home with Patrik, but I want to make very clear that these events seem more unreal to me than what I said before, that I stayed at Raffaele's house.
3. I'm very confused at this time. My head is full of contrasting ideas and I know I can be frustrating to work with for this reason. But I also want to tell the truth as best I can. Everything I have said in regards to my involvement in Meredith's death, though contrasting, are the best truth that I've been able to think. Think of it this way, what am I supposed to think has happened when what I think is really true about myself and what I have done is told to me to be a lie? At first I was scared, offended, and confused. But as time, shock, and panic came on, I began to try to think of other explanations, and it is because I have to think in this way that I feel at contrast with myself. There is one thing that I think in myself is true, but there is also another possibility that could be true, and I can't honestly think for sure what is what. I'm trying, I really am, because I'm scared for myself. I know I didn't kill Meredith. That's all I know for sure. In these flashbacks that I'm having I see Patrik as the murderer, but the way the truth feels in my mind, there is no way for me to have known, because I don't remember FOR SURE if I was at my house that night.
The questions that need answering, at least for how I'm thinking are:
1. Why did Raffaele lie? (or, for you) Did Raffaele lie?
2. Why did I think of Patrik?
3. Is the evidence proving my pressance [sic] at the time and place of the crime reliable? If so, what does this say about my memory? Is it reliable?
4. Is there any other evidence condemming [sic] Patrik or any other person?
3. Who is the REAL murder [sic]? → This is particularly important because I don't feel I can be used as condemming [sic] testimone [sic] in this instance.
I have a clearer mind than I've had before, but I'm still missing parts, which I know is bad for me. But this is the truth and this is what I'm thinking at this time. Please don't yell at me because it only makes me more confused, which doesn't help anyone. I understand how serious this situation is, and as such, I want to give you this information as soon and as clearly as possible.
If there are still parts that don't make sense, please ask me. I'm doing the best I can, just like you are. Please believe me at least in that, although I understand if you don't.
All I know is that I didn't kill Meredith, and so I have nothing but lies to be afraid of.